Ask these Questions with your Mate Before Sharing a Bed

23 Questions To Ask Your Mate Before Sharing a Bed

By Charlotte Latvala

In the early days of a relationship, you’re probably more focused on finding your favorite cuddle positions than the reality of sharing a bed with your partner, night after night. But when it comes to getting a good night’s sleep, little differences in your bedtime habits can lead to not-so-good mornings. Research shows that couples who report sleeping poorly, even after one night, tend to have more arguments with their mate the next day. As with any other part of your relationship, open communication is key. Before you jump in the sack, make sure you ask the following questions:

1. Do you snore?

If you think guys are the main noisemakers, you’re wrong. Women snore almost as much and nearly as loudly as men, according to findings from a recent study. One gender-neutral solution: Earplugs.

2. What side of the bed do you sleep on?

Believe it or not, people have a strong attachment to “their side.” Figure out who’s a righty or a lefty, and which one of you is willing to compromise, if necessary.

3. What’s your bedtime?

Night owls and early birds can share a bed, as long as they’re respectful of the other person. That means not crashing into bed loudly at 3 a.m. or bursting into song at sunrise.

4. Do you want to buy a new mattress?

A new relationship deserves a new mattress—it’s a literal clean slate. And when you can get a super-comfortable, affordable, memory foam Nectar mattress that hugs your body in all the right places, why not go for it?

5. Are you a sleepwalker?

A recent study suggested that sleepwalking is much more common than most people realize, and depression or anxiety may increase your likelihood of nighttime wandering. Discuss it early on, so your mate won’t think you’re possessed by a demon (remember the movie “Paranormal Activity?”). 😱

6. Do you have a weird bedtime routine?

Maybe you can’t sleep unless you meditate facing the wall for half an hour, or check every window and door in the house three times, or listen to harp sounds. No judgement, but best to reveal it sooner than later.

Ask these Questions Before Sharing a Bed

One in ten Americans has RLS, according to the National Sleep Foundation, and the likelihood increases as you get older. A king size Nectar bed may save you from being kicked in the middle of the night.

8. Do you sleep with a fan?

Some people can’t sleep without air blowing on them, while others can’t sleep with it because they wake up with a stuffy nose, a sore throat, and a “don’t-even-look-in-my-direction” attitude (speaking from experience).

9. What room temperature do you like?

Experts recommend a cool 60 to 67 degrees, but people don’t always follow that. Whether you want it to feel tropical or need the windows cracked open through winter, now is the time to talk about the thermostat.

10. Do you sleep hot or cold?

Do you burrow deep into a pile of blankets, or fling off the covers in the middle of the night? If you’re a hot sleeper, keep in mind that Nectar is made with a cooling cover for increased air circulation. (Your chilly mate can always add more blankets.)

11. Have you tried a weighted blanket?

Weighted blankets are trendy, and the benefits of improved comfort and reduced stress are backed by science.  But everyone isn’t into them. Luckily, Nectar’s weighted blanket is 47 inches wide, perfect for one. Argument avoided.

13. Do you talk in your sleep?

Come clean right away. Let’s just hope you don’t start babbling about something that may incriminate you.

Questions To Ask Before Sharing a Bed

It’s a hot-button issue: You either love a top sheet or think it’s a waste of good cotton. One compromise: Use a twin size sheet if you must have one, just don’t expect your partner to snuggle under it with you (see #12).

15. Do you like your mattress firm, soft, or somewhere in between?

It’s a miracle when both people are on the same end of the “mattress feel” spectrum. Don’t panic if that’s not the case for you. A Nectar mattress is medium-firm for a just-right feel that you’ll sink into, but still feel supported.

16. Do you like to fall asleep watching TV?

It’s helpful to know if your mate MUST fall asleep to Stephen Colbert’s voice or the jingle of “House Hunters.” Those could be grounds for sleeping apart.

17. How do you feel about sleeping separately?

A recent New York Times piece explored why some couples prefer to sleep apart. That idea may challenge your expectations of a relationship. Have the conversation with your mate, and do what feels right for you.

18. Do you tuck in your sheets around the bottom of the bed?

Someone who can’t stand to have their feet contained at night won’t be comfy with military-style, tucked-in bedding. One perk of free-flowing sheets: Less time spent making the bed. 🛏️

19. Do you fall asleep to white noise or ASMR?

A steady hum of static or sounds of people whispering and tapping might be your thing, but it may drive your partner bonkers. Come to an agreement before you crank up the volume.

Questions To Ask Your Mate Before Sharing a Bed

Experts recommend sleeping in total darkness for restful, undisturbed zzz’s. However, your mate may want a nightlight, so he doesn’t bump his knee when he walks to the bathroom. Hey, it’s a safety issue.

21. Door open or closed?

Some people think a closed bedroom door feels claustrophobic. Vice versa, others feel uneasy if it’s open. Locked or unlocked could be another sticking point for emotional security. Like we said, safety first. 

22. Are you into aromatherapy?

If you can’t sleep without the scent of lavender softly pulsing out of your diffuser or lightly sprayed onto your sheets, you might be hurt to learn that your mate hates it. Who knew lavender was this serious?

23. What’s your pillow style?

Do you prefer a mountain of pillows on the bed, or are you pillow minimalist? Down-filled or memory foam? Body totally pillow-flanked or just one between your knees? So many questions. Start getting answers!

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